Broken

There is always that anticipation that comes as a new year is drawing closer. I remember this time last year when I could not wait for 2020 to start.  2020 was going to be a great year.  New job, trip to England, spending time with family and friends, concerts, more travel, turning 50…

Instead, this year brought two new jobs, a trip to England, the pandemic, soul searching and big change. No one likes to talk about the D word let alone go through it, but sometimes it happens. It can bring on feelings of failure, loneliness, shame and so many other thoughts that go through one’s mind. Those that have been through it know all too well. The additional stress from the pandemic and not being able to socialize or spend time with friends and family has also added more feelings of isolation.

This is normally a joyous and happy time putting up Christmas lights and decorations, buying gifts, sending cards, spending time with loved ones; there will be none of that this year. I am not feeling very holly jolly this year. Please do not call me a Grinch or Scrooge unless you want to walk in my shoes. This year will just be different than any other years of past not only for me but for so many.

For those who have had a difficult year, please know you are not alone. You never know what someone else is going through or has been through. F U 2020.  I’ve had enough. I am broken.