Taylor Swift’s lucky number is 13. She was born on the 13th. Oftentimes has painted a 13 on her hand for luck. In many ways the number 13 has been a lucky number for me too. I’ve had the most wonderful 13 years being your dog mom. I never would imagine I’d be saying goodbye to you 13 years later to the day I first picked you up to bring you home. Kind of funny how things work out sometimes. This past week has been one I will always cherish. I will always love you, my angel wiener. Baby Jesus sent you from Heaven to mama now he just wants to get you back.
This past week has been reaffirming to me that I made the right decision even though it has been the most difficult decision I’ve ever had to make in my life. Letting you go has not been easy and trying to build up to this day hasn’t been either. I am so grateful we had this time together so I could see that you indeed were starting to show those signs that it was time. Your dad thought maybe we could wait a little longer but he even started to see the signs. Funny how mama always knows. You gave me quite a scare the other day and I thought I might have to say goodbye to you earlier than planned. Madison is going to be lost without you. I have burst into tears numerous times throughout the week and I read the book your aunt gave me about losing my best friend. I’m taking some of the advice from it and writing you this letter now. I will still be sad and heartbroken and that’s ok. Anyone that says I need to get over you because you’re “just a dog” can suck it. You were never just a dog to me. You were my kid. My firstborn. Possibly my lastborn. I don’t know if I can go through this kind of pain again. I know we will go through it with Madison but it will be a different kind of pain.
I’m writing this as I’m watching you sleep next to me for the last time. We’ve had a lot of last times this week haven’t we. I almost didn’t want to talk about them out loud in front of you because I didn’t want to make you feel bad or upset. I’m thinking that you know I know its time because we get each other that way. You got a bit of spunk in your step tonight when I said we were going for a car ride and going to go to McDonald’s. We haven’t been there in a long time. I don’t eat that crap and you shouldn’t either but you always loved your plain hamburgers. I found a way for you to eat it by breaking it up into little pieces and you still wolfed it down even without your teeth. You had a lot of treats this week. Frosty Paws. Zukes. Strawberries. Whatever BoBo wants BoBo gets. That’s pretty much always been the standard around here. It’s sure going to be strange not having you as my bed partner, bathroom buddy, laundry helper or my shadow after tomorrow. I’m going to miss your soft fur and all of the songs I used to sing to you that I’d make up as I’d go along. You’re so soft and snugly. You’re so soft and snugly. Snugly. Or we go night night now. We go night night now. We go night night. We go night night. We go night night now. Maybe I will figure out how to write that children’s book like I always said I should do with the songs to go along for the kids. I only wish you could be here if it ever did come to fruition.
I hope that I was a good mom to you. I wish you could stay around with me forever but I have to let you go and it hurts so much. The back of my throat hurts. I feel like I can’t breathe. It just seems so unfair. You are my everything. You know that.
I have a great support system to help get me through. I can’t wait to see our photos from the Joy Session. You will always be my BoBo Ray of Sunshine. We both love listening to Tears for Fears and Taylor. You’re the only one named B! (A take on song ME) You know mama’s ringtone and we danced in the living room to their songs often. Maybe my upcoming unexpected trip to the UK came about to help me with losing you. If you have any pull once you get to Heaven B, please make sure mama gets to finally meet Curt and Ro.
Maybe in time the pain and sadness will go away for me and it won’t hurt as much. I never thought a little wiener dog could give their mama so much love and change their life. I will never ever forget you BoBo Ray. Mama loves you very much. I’m going to snuggle you tight one last time.
Goodnight BoBo Ray. Sweet dreams.
March 5, 2006 – June 7, 2019
Tales of TFF, Taylor, Dolly and Happenstance 