Another hard goodbye

My heart is aching and my heart is broken. I know to some people Seymour was just a dog, but he was more than that to me. He helped me move to an unfamiliar place and has been a constant presence in my life for the last few years. I’m a bit lost to be honest. I know it will get better with time and I’m a strong person but it’s a lot to take in so unexpectedly.

I’m used to having a nose in my face every morning letting me know it’s time to get up. Followed by some belly rubs and pettings. We’d head downstairs for coffee and watch Good Morning Nashville every morning. On Sundays we would follow that by watching online church.  I’d get ready for work, or the day and I had my constant companion. He often got on camera for work calls because he thought he was the center of attention. To be honest, he really was the center of attention. Everyone who ever met Seymour knew he was the sweetest dog. He didn’t bark except at UPS or if someone rang the doorbell. He was my shadow. Sometimes I get annoyed with not being able to go anywhere without him following me around, but today I just wish he were here.

Seymour was a rescue dog and came from horrible conditions. When we got him, he was very timid and scared. He really grew into a nice little man. He loved to go for car rides to Target and Kroger for order pick up.  When I said do you want to go to Target, he was by the door ready and waiting. I have to admit I didn’t always need to buy things from Target but would figure out something to order so we could go for our Target run. 

Seymour loved to go for airplane rides and was a frequent flyer to Minnesota to visit his favorite auntie, uncle, dog cousin’s and Grayson.  Grayson learned to say Seymour and has a stuffie that looks just like him. I hope he will remember him when he gets older.  I know I always remembered Barney Google with the googleberry eyes, the wiener dog my grandma Schultz had on the farm when I was little.  That’s how my love for wiener dogs started.

I am still in shock as I try to navigate this new normal. I loved Seymour so much.  I know that he loved his mama too.  It’s so hard to put into words right now.  He deserved so much. I always told him when he was begging for attention during the day that Mama had to work to earn money so she could give him his best life.  That’s really all I ever wanted to do was give him his best life.  I don’t understand why it had to be cut so short.  I sometimes question why terrible things happen to good people. I feel like I’m a good person, but I have endured a lot of pain in my life. This is just another one of those moments.  I know it will get better in time, but does it ever really get better? I still grieve over BoBo and Madison.  I have had to say goodbye to 3 of my kids in 5 years.  My kids may not have two legs but it’s all the same to me. 

My sister had planned to spend time with Seymour and me for my birthday later this week but is now coming early to help me get through this challenging time.  My heart is truly broken. Life is so short whether you have two legs or four. Don’t wait to do those things you want to do. There is no someday in my vocabulary. Someday may never come and then what do you have? A could’ve, should’ve, would’ve moment.  Plan that trip, buy those shoes, get that tattoo, step outside your comfort zone.

I’m feeling a bit lost right now. I don’t really want to talk much. I’m just trying to process my new normal.  I’m missing my little love bug, my schnooks, my little man, my wiener wiener, my little peanut. May he rest in peace.